I'm Not Afraid
by VivianeLadyOfTheLake
Summary: Third in the SML series: Morgana and Merlin have moved to Ealdor, Uther is dead. Arthur and Gwen ride to Ealdor to find their friends and convince them to return, but they find a surprise awaiting them upon their arrival. Morgana has more incentive now than ever to remain in Ealdor, place she feels safe to raise a family. Camelot is changing under the rule of their new King.
1. Chapter 1

Sorry it took so long to post this, guys. I wrote most of it a while back, but I don't have internet right now… I moved into my own place and can't afford internet at the moment… I'm working on it, though. I'm at my Grandmother's house, using her internet… Lol.

icarusLSU: I'm glad it's ok, I just felt like Hunith wouldn't just let that go. If you hadn't noticed, I LOVE to do cliffhangers. I have to keep people reading somehow, don't I?

JayJe: I think that about sums it up.

sjritts: Morgause is back. :) Yep. Lol. And Merlin is being SO stupid! He is literally driving me mad. Ugh. He seriously needs to get back into it.

**Chapter One**

Morgana lay alone on the bed Morgause had given her, eyes closed, her body wracked with sobs. This was never what she really wanted. She wanted a happy life full of love and belonging, and it seemed that she was never to have that, all because of the people she was born to. The way she was born. She fisted the skirt of her dress, a new dress Morgause had given her, the front was black with a gold trim forming a deep V at the waist and a squared neckline, red ribbons lacing up the front, crimson fabric forming the sides, back, hood, and wrist length sleeves, at the elbow of the sleeves was black lace which fell well past her hands. It was a beautiful dress, she supposed, but not what she wanted. She was so tired of being a noblewoman.

Merlin was so close, yet so far away. She had been dragged to a ruined castle that most would deem uninhabitable merely an hours ride from Ealdor. Just a step away. Her mind longed to connect with his again, if only he would allow it. His mind was just a breath away.

Morgana felt a sob escape her lips and fisted her skirts more tightly, everything that had happened, everything that Merlin had said… She was beginning to lose her faith in him, in their love. Maybe his words were a lie. Maybe the brands were a lie. Morgana was falling off the edge of her sanity and she knew it. She was only human and even her magic could not withstand the torture she knew Morgause would inflict on her in an effort to regain, and keep, her loyalty. She wanted so desperately for someone, Merlin, to save her from this. To save her from the hate.

All of this, this war, it was Uther's fault. His pointless hatred of magic was what had brought her here, what had made her so vulnerable to Morgause to begin with. To Uther this was just another war, and his family was just another family torn. Her faith had been shaken and torn because of Uther. Everything she had ever known thrown aside when Uther had learned she had magic. It was Uther's fault she was so close to the edge of madness. She couldn't have come so far in this direction without his pushing her that way. Every day she lived feeling this way was just another ordinary day in the world she lived in. She needed a hero, someone like Merlin, to save her. Now. He always seemed to save her just in time.

The door opened and Morgause walked in. Morgana knew that, starting now she would have to fight to live another day. Morgause's torture would make it hard to survive for even one day. Pain was all Morgana had known before she fell for Merlin, and now it seemed pain was all she would know again.

"I will _never_ be loyal to you," Morgan spat venomously at her half-sister. She knew it was dangerous to speak her mind, but she felt she had no choice, Morgause _must_ know that her loyalty would always be to Merlin, and if Merlin's loyalty was to Arthur, then hers was as well and there was nothing Morgause could do to change that.

"The boy is not deserving of your love, sister, nor of your loyalty. Why do you insist on giving him both? It is foolish of you."

"I love him, Morgause, as he loves me. You are nothing but a pretender. I will never be loyal to you or to your cause. I hate everything you stand for. I am loyal to Merlin, and because he is loyal to Arthur, and to the Camelot Arthur will create, so am I."

Morgause rolled her eyes, she knew her sister was stubborn, but to make a stand in this? To make certain her voice was heard, while not unexpected it was unwelcome.

"Uther would have _killed_ you, Morgana. It is only through luck that you are still alive."

"No, Morgause. It is because of Merlin and his kindness. To Uther it would have been just another kill, just another sorceress taken down, but Merlin would never allow that." She closed her eyes, feeling the darkness trying to overtake her. _The countdown begins_, she thought. _The countdown to destroy ourselves. _

"If we do this, Morgause, if we go against Camelot, who will fight for what's right? Who will fight the death and destruction we will cause? We will be no better than Uther himself. Who will help us survive? Morgause, we will be fighting for our lives. This will be biggest fight of either of our lives and I fear it will not end well for those who oppose Arthur and all of Camelot. I am not ready to die for that cause. For the cause of bringing magic back to Camelot through my brother's death and destruction. Who will fight for those who are weak, Morgause? Those who cannot fight for themselves? Who will make them believe the truth of the goodness magic can be used for? If we use magic to destroy Camelot's King we will be showing them only the dark side of magic, not the good of it." Morgana felt a small smile grace her lips, she knew these were more Merlin's words than hers. She could feel his presence through their bond and brands. He was her hero and he was here with her, in a way. _He_ was driving out the darkness.

"Sister, we will be fighting for what is right. The weak do not matter, they are useless to us."

Morgana shook her head. "No, Morgause. _I_ will fight for what's right. I'm speaking my mind today, and if you kill me for it, if that kills me tonight, I will be ready to die. I will die gladly, knowing that I did not give into you. After all, a hero's not afraid to give their life."

Morgause laughed. "Hero? Dear sister, by siding with Arthur, do you truly see yourself as a hero to our people? You are a fool."

Morgana steeled herself as Morgause moved closer, her hand was in the pocket hidden in the folds of her skirt, gripping the dagger Arthur had given her for her birthday. Morgana drew the dagger as Morgause's menacing face moved into her personal space. "You _will_ do exactly as I command, Morgana. You are nothing without me."

Morgana felt the magic start to twist around her body, trying to drain her of her will. She closed her eyes and drew the dagger, forcing it into her sisters chest. She could feel the tears running down her face. She was shocked, as Morgause's body fell to the ground, to see Merlin standing behind her.

"Merlin?" she gasped, reaching for him.

Merlin pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. "Gana, my beautiful Gana, I love you. You resisted her. You did it. You didn't need me here, after all."

Morgana smiled. "It was only because of you that I did resist. I thought of you, of what you would tell them. Of what you told me. That was the only way I could do it, the only way I could resist the pull of darkness..."

Merlin kissed her softly, allowing her to feel his love and joy through their connection.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Merlin, we can't go back to Ealdor, can we?" Morgana asked softly.

"Why not, Gana? Morgause is dead. She can't hurt you anymore," he pulled Morgana closer to his side as they walked, his arm wrapped around her waist in a way that many would see as possessive but didn't bother her at all. In Morgana's mind, it was safety, it made her feel as though she was wanted and cared for, it made her feel grounded, like nobody could hurt her as long as Merlin was here with her.

Morgana closed her eyes. "I killed her… She was my sister and I killed her…"

Merlin stopped walking and turned to face her, tenderly cupping her face in his hands as he stared into her emerald eyes. "No, you didn't kill her, Gana."

"I put a dagger in her chest, Merlin!"

"She was already dead. Magic killed her, not your dagger."

"Whose magic?" Morgana demanded.

Merlin sighed and looked away from her, saying nothing.

"Whose magic, Merlin?" she demanded suspiciously.

"Mine," he answered, deliberately keeping his gaze averted so he wouldn't have to face her anger and hatred.

"You killed her? You knew how I would feel about that, yet you killed her anyways? To protect me? So that I wouldn't have to be the one to kill her?"

Merlin nodded and looked at her eventually. "Yes."

Morgana smiled and hugged him tightly. "Even though you knew I might never forgive you for killing her, you did it anyway to protect me. Merlin…. You are selfless."

Merlin's face turned bright red as he hugged her back, smiling softly when she lay her head on his chest. "I couldn't let her hurt you again, Gana, even if it meant you would hate me forever or even if you would try to kill me, you could not be hurt again. I love you far too much to watch her hurt you again. Morgana, you are everything to me. I love you."

Morgana looked up at him, tears running down her face as a soft smile made its way to her lips. "Merlin… You have no idea how much that means to me. I… I love you, too…" Though Morgana had said those words to him before it still made his heart speed up as he heard her speak of her feelings for him. He kissed her softly, gently pulling her closer against his body.

Morgana's fingers tangled into his hair as she kissed him back roughly.

Merlin held her close, frowning when he felt the desperation in her kiss. He loved her, he wanted her to feel safe and wanted. To _know_ she was safe and wanted, but how could he make her know that? He froze when he felt Morgana's fingertips graze his now bare chest. Morgana had removed his shirt without his ever noticing.

"Gana…" he whispered, not wanting to hurt or upset her, but not certain he wanted to do this just yet, the talk with his mother still too fresh in his mind.

"Please, Merlin?" she whispered brokenly. "Please, allow me to know what it feels like to be loved?"

Merlin's heart broke at her words. He had heard stories from her, of course, of what she had suffered while under Morgause's "care". He hated what Morgana had suffered, hated every person who had ever thought to cause his Morgana harm. He kissed her forehead, attempting to steel his already failing resolve against her fear and desperation. If he wasn't careful, he knew he would give into her and they would make love, something he had wanted to do with her since he had met her, but was nervous about actually going through with, something he was afraid she might not be truly ready for.

"Merlin…" she whispered.

"Not here, Gana," he answered quietly.

Morgana turned her face away from him, her heart stinging with rejection.

"Morgana, look at me." His voice was gentle, yet commanding at the same time, causing Morgana to bring her eyes up to meet his steady gaze. "Morgana, you know I love you. I want this with you, you can't even imagine how badly I want this, but our first time together will _not_ be in the woods with your skirts pushed up. I will not treat you that way, Morgana. You are far too special and precious to me to ever be treated that way." His hand came up to tenderly brush away a tear as it fell from her eye.

"Merlin…" she whispered, hugging him tightly. "That's… You really…? I love you."

Merlin kissed her forehead lovingly. "I love you, too, Gana. More than anything."

"Can we go home?" Morgana whispered.

"Home?" he asked.

"Ealdor"

Merlin smiled and kissed her cheek, pulling her gently with him as he started back towards his-their- home village. "Of course we can, Morgana. "

Morgana nodded, interlocking their fingers, her mind brushing against his, seeking the comfort that only his love could give her, the peace of mind that he provided her. She felt the tenderness radiating from deep within his being, flowing into her through their connection. "I love you," she whispered. "More than anything, Merlin. You must know that. Know that I will _always_ love you, no matter what anyone else says. Swear to me that you will not leave me? That this life that we make here in Ealdor will be real? Free of royal drama and nobility?"

"I swear to you, Morgana, that so long as we are here our love will be enough. I will care for you to the best of my ability. I would die for you, Morgana. It matters not what happens to me, so long as you are safe and cared for. I would give my last breath gladly, that you might never suffer again."

"So poetic…" Morgana teased, a slight smile turning her lips up at the corners.

"Isn't that what women dream of?" Merlin teased right back. "A romantic and poetic man to sweep them off their feet?"

"Sweep me off my feet?" Morgana laughed. "More like _knock_ me off my feet!"

Merlin blushed and looked down. "Probably." He admitted.

Morgana laughed and kissed his cheek. "My poor, clumsy, Merlin," she said in a playfully pitying tone.

Merlin pouted and grumbled something she couldn't understand.

Morgana smirked, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_Camelot _

_Two years later_

"For the love of Camelot, Guinevere!" Arthur shouted in frustration. "Do you know where they are or not?"

Gwen glared at her husband. Though she understand his frustration at her refusal to tell him the location of their friends, she had sworn to Morgana that she would never reveal where they had gone after they fled Ealdor. "You know as well as I they went to Ealdor."

"Yes, but they are no longer there, yet you speak as though you know _exactly_ where they are! I want my sister back in Camelot, where she belongs. And Merlin needs to resume his duties here, as my servant. As horrible a servant as he was, there was no better friend and servant than Merlin."

"As evidenced by the fact you've not kept a single servant more than a month after he left." Gwen pointed out good naturedly.

"Stop changing the subject. Do you know where they are?"

Gwen smiled. "And if I do?"

"Tell me, so we can go get them and bring them home."

"If I tell you, you won't let me go with you."

Arthur sighed in exasperation. "If I allow you to come, will you tell me?"

"No, but I will _show_ you."

Arthur turned to the Knight nearest him. "Leon, prepare two horses for immediate departure."

Sir Leon regarded his King with surprise and concern. "Only two, Sire? Is it wise for only you and the Queen to venture out?"

"A lone couple will raise less suspicion than a King and Queen with an escort of Knights. Prepare the horses," Arthur ordered impatiently.

"Yes, My Lord." Sir Leon bowed deeply before turning ad exiting the room to follow the orders given by his King.

_Ealdor_

Merlin looked up from his task, cutting firewood, when he heard the door to his small home close. A soft smile touched his features as he watched his wife walk towards him, one hand on her back, which always ached now, the other resting on her swollen belly. She rubbed her belly affectionately, smiling softly.

Merlin moved toward her and pulled her into a tender embrace, resting one of his hands beside hers on her belly, rounded with his child. _Their_ child.

"fy nghariad," he murmured, kissing her softly. "You're awake."

"Hm…" she sighed. "I have been awake, Merlin. Supper is ready, whenever you wish to eat."

Merlin looked up at the sky, only then realizing how late it had become, he had spent his day repairing the walls of their small house, feeding the livestock, mending fences, and cutting firewood, he was bone tired, but it was worth it.

"I will never understand, fy nghalon, why you do not use magic, to make it a little easier on you."

"Morgana," he sighed. "I've told you before, I like doing things this way, it makes me feel… right, somehow, like if I use magic for everything, all the everyday things like this, it's a waste and I should have done it myself. Some things I use magic for, or if there's just too much to do in a day, but this place, our home, was built by my hands, my labor, my sweat, not by magic."

Morgana tilted her head back, resting it against his shoulder, placing her hands over his on her belly. "And that makes it all the more special, Merlin, some things, though, I wish you would use magic for."

"Why?"

"They would be done faster and there would be time for us to spend together again."

Merlin frowned as her words sank in. Had he truly not spent time with her as much of late? When he thought about it he realized he had spent very little time with her since she had given him the news that she was with child… What a day that was…

_Merlin looked at Morgana where she sat, across the table from him. She seemed so nervous, twisting her napkin in her fingers to the point he thought she would tear it, chewing her crimson bottom lip, and keeping her gaze averted._

"_Gana, what is it? What's wrong? Are you alright?" he finally asked, _

"_I went to see the physician this morning," Morgana answered quietly._

"_Are you sick? What did she say? What's wrong? Will you live?" Merlin's words came out in a panicked jumble. _

_Morgana laughed, reaching across the table to lay her hand over his. "Merlin, relax. I'm fine. I've been feeling a little ill and out of sorts of late, but she said that will only last a few more months. No more than seven." _

_Merlin looked at her, fear in his eyes. "And at the end of that seven months? Then what? What will I do?" _

_Morgana shook her head, an amused and mischievous smile making itself known. "Merlin, at the end of that seven months… You'll be a father." _

_Merlin froze, staring at her, his eyes widening with shock. "A what…? I'll be… You're… We're going to… Morgana…"_

"_Yes, Merlin. I am with child. We are going to have a baby." Morgana could feel the tears of joy start to run down her face as she watched Merlin, his face still showing shock. She was beginning to fear that he was unhappy, that perhaps he didn't want the baby after all… "Merlin…"_

_Merlin shook his head, his mind registering the sudden fear in her eyes. "Gana, what is it? What's wrong?"_

"_You've said nothing, Merlin… Are you… Do you want…." She trailed off, unable to force herself to ask him the question she now dreaded knowing the answer to. _

_Merlin jumped up from his seat, knocking his chair over in the process, as soon as he realized where her thoughts had gone. He walked around the table and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her, resting them on her shoulders and kissing the top of her head before resting his cheek there. "My beautiful Gana, I couldn't be any happier about this. I've wanted a child with you for a long time. I just can't believe it's real…" _

_Morgana looked up at him, seeing the love and adoration in his eyes. "Really?" _

"_Really and truly, fy nghariad."_

_Morgana smiled as he leaned in and gave her a gentle, chaste kiss on the lips._

Merlin smiled fondly at the memory. "Gana, I'm so sorry. I have neglected you…" he said guiltily, hanging his head.

Morgana cupped his face in her hands, looking up into his eyes. "Listen to me, Merlin. You have _not_ neglected me. Not by any means. You have been trying to make things better and safer for when our child is born, and it is important to you to do these things yourself, no magic. I think that's wonderful, Merlin, I truly do. I only want you to use magic to do everything one day. Put off working on the added room for a day, use magic for the ordinary chores… And then we can spend a day together, just us. A walk, a ride, perhaps a swim in the lake? A picnic lunch?"

Merlin smiled softly at his wife. "Anything you want to do, Gana. You know that. When do want this day to be?"

"Tomorrow, I'll spend the morning making plans and preparing while you get chores done. Deal?"

"That sounds perfect, except the part about you doing the work."

Morgana laughed. "Merlin, I still have three months before this baby is born, I'm perfectly able to pack a picnic lunch."

"Just be careful and don't do too much. I won't risk you, or our baby." Merlin ordered gently, kissing her softly.

"I promise," she agreed with a soft smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Merlin!" Morgana shrieked, giggling as Merlin lifted her off her horse and gently deposited her on a picnic blanket he had laid out.

Merlin grinned at her. "Yes, fy nghariad?"

"I could have walked a few steps," she scolded good naturedly.

"You shouldn't have to, 'Gana, not while I'm here."

Morgana smiled softly at him. "You can be so silly, fy nghalon. I love that about you. I love everything about you."

Merlin smiled tenderly at her and sat beside her, gently pulling her against his own body, one hand stroking her hair while the other rested on her ever growing belly. Morgana smiled and kissed Merlin's cheek. "I can't wait for this baby to be born," she murmured. "I want to meet our little one finally."

Merlin nodded. "So do I, love. So do I."

"You can never know how wonderful it is to me that our child was created of love, rather than duty. That was something I once feared, when I was in Camelot, that I would be forced into a marriage and that any children conceived would be only out of duty, and never of love. I wondered if I would be able to love the child for themselves, or if I would resent the child for being a part of the father…"

"We are no longer in Camelot, and we married for love, therefore you have no cause for concern there, fy nghariad," he reassured her, kissing the top of her head softly.

Morgana smiled softly at him, turning her face up for a gentle kiss. Merlin happily obliged, kissing her lips softly, keeping his arms wrapped around her as they sat together on the blanket Merlin had spread out for them.

They jumped apart in surprise, Merlin's magic automatically forming a protective shield around them, when a throat cleared. Morgana rose, somewhat awkwardly, to her feet and threw herself into the arms of blond haired King standing before them with a happy cry. "Arthur!"

Arthur Pendragon smiled as he hugged his sister close. "Morgana, what are you doing here? How have you been? Whose child do you carry?"

Gwen smacked Arthur's arm. "Hush, Arthur," she scolded.

Merlin stood silently, watching his wife re-united with her brother and best friend. He smiled a little, happy that she could see them again, that she could have that happiness, but also a little jealous that her attention wasn't on him and their child, and he feared that perhaps Morgana would want to go back to Camelot with them and leave her new life with him behind.

Morgana laughed lightly, pulling out of Arthur's hug. "I've been in Ealdor with Merlin since being banished from Camelot. I've been wonderful, learning to control the magic so that it doesn't overwhelm me as it did in Camelot, creating a new home, a new life, here. I've been so happy, Arthur. And the child is Merlin's."

Merlin flinched at the look his former King was giving him.

Morgana saw the look and sighed in exasperation. "Arthur, we've been married for a year now. I have only a few months left before this child joins our world. I have never been happier than I am now."

"You live the life of a peasant, Morgana, not the life of a lady," Arthur said quietly as he watched her moved back to Merlin's side. He frowned when his friends arm wrapped around Morgana's waist in a protective and possessive manner.

Morgana shrugged. "I have never cared much for fancy gowns and many servants, it was the life I grew up with, but I was never truly happy with that life, Arthur. I have been so happy as I am now, here, with Merlin. We have our small home, which he built and is adding onto now, our child, which is to be born in just three months. Arthur, this is the life I had always dreamt of, a life of love and caring."

Arthur frowned thoughtfully. "Morgana…"

"I know why you are here, Arthur, you wish me to return to Camelot. I dreamt of it last night. You will not convince me to return to Camelot without Merlin, which is _exactly_ what happened in my vision. You wanted to use me to form an alliance with Amatta. I swear to you, Arthur Pendragon, that it will _never _happen. I will never leave Merlin, I care not if I would become a Queen. I have no desire for that life. I will remain here, with Merlin, or in Camelot with Merlin. But I will _never_ leave Merlin. I am too happy and in love. It is up to you, Arthur. Though you know we both have magic, as our child most likely will."

Gwen couldn't help but smile at her friend. Morgana had always been stubborn and determined to get her way, it was the only reason she was no longer with Morgause.

"Morgana, I do not share my father's views on magic, you of all people should know that," Arthur said quietly.

Gwen shuddered at the bitter, mirthless laugh that escaped Morgana's lips. "You do not share his beliefs, yet you share his laws, continue to persecute those who are born with magic, you continue to execute people for the way they were born, the people they were born to. You are a lying hypocrite, Arthur Pendragon, do not think I am oblivious to the news from Camelot. I do still have spies within your Kingdom."

Merlin leaned over and kissed Morgana's cheek lightly, his hand rubbing her arm soothingly.

"Morgana…" Arthur started.

"Do not think to lie to me, Arthur. Until the laws change and our people are no longer executed or persecuted by you and yours, I will not set foot in Camelot, and nor shall my child."

"And nor will I," Merlin spoke up, determined to let his friend know that he stood with Morgana in this and would not be won back with the promise of changes to come.

"Morgana, Merlin, please hear us out," Gwen pleaded. "We have a proposition for you both."

"I will not live in luxury within Camelot's walls while my people are killed every day for being born with magic, same as I was."

"Fy nghariad," Merlin murmured. "Hear them out. Listening to what they have to say can do no harm."

Morgana nodded. "Very well, speak your mind."

"We want to change the way things are done in Camelot, the way magic is handled. Guinevere and I want to make Camelot into a new place under our reign. Only, we know so little of magic, of its ways, of the good and the bad regarding it, we want to have someone in the Kingdom who knows of magic, who _has _magic, to help us with regards to magic and the best way to handle it. We want you and Merlin to return to Camelot as ambassadors of magic, we want you both to become nobility within Camelot and be our magical advisors."

Morgana and Merlin both stared at Arthur in surprise, uncertain how to answer him.

"Please, Morgana, Merlin?" Gwen threw in her request. "It would be exactly what we need, and it would bring you both back to Camelot. Back home."

Morgana looked at Merlin, feeling a twinge of regret at the thought of leaving behind their small home that Merlin had put so much work into this past year. Merlin looked at her and saw the longing in her eyes. She wanted this, wanted to return to Camelot. He had missed his home there, his friends, but Ealdor had become a home and a safe haven for them both, and now they were asked to leave it behind.

"Fy nghalon?" Morgana murmured, leaning closer. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Merlin shook his head. "Nothing, 'Gana," he answered. "I'm fine."

"What do you think?" she asked, excitement coloring her tone. "Should we go back with them and bring our people the life and justice they deserve?"

Merlin smiled lovingly at his wife. When she put it that way, his own desires to remain here, the place he was raised and felt safest and most at home, seemed selfish and unfair. People of magic had a real chance and it was being left up to him. The fat of all people and creatures of magic rested in his hands. In the hands of the great Emrys. For the first time he truly felt the power he could, and would, wield over all people.

"How could I say no to such an offer?" he asked, a small smile on his face.

"Then you will both come back with us?" Arthur asked, seeming almost hopeful.

"Of course we will, brother," Morgana answered. "You will both stay with us this night and we will all go to Camelot tomorrow?"

"Of course," Gwen answered for them both. "We would like nothing better."

"Come, Merlin, we must pack and prepare to leave." The excitement in Morgana's voice and expression made Merlin smile.

"Of course, 'Gana," he answered, entwining their fingers and uttering a spell which packed their picnic back up in a second.


	5. Chapter 5

FieryIce107: I'm glad you liked it. I try to update when I can, but since I don't have internet, I can rarely update. I hope you like this one.

sjritts: I'm glad you like it. :) I hope you like this next update. Any ideas on what they should do and how they should react? I can't wait for the baby to be born.

JAIMOL: I love a faithful reader/reviewer. I can't wait to see what you think of this update.

TO ALL WHO READ AND DO OR DON'T REVIEW: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND YOUR CONTINUED READING, DESPITE MY NOW RARE UPDATING.

**Chapter Five**

Morgana lay on her side in their bed, her head and hand resting on his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist as he lay thoughtfully silent.

"Merlin, what is it?" Morgana asked. "What is bothering you so much?"

Merlin shrugged and kissed her head. "Nothing, lovely Morgana. I'm alright."

"Tell me, Emrys," she ordered.

Merlin sighed. "'Gana, I just… I love being here in Ealdor with you, our life is falling together the way we want it to… I'm afraid that if we go back to Camelot, I'll lose you, that you'll want the life you used to have back and resent me, and our child, for taking that life away from you… I couldn't bear it if I lost you now, not after everything it took for me to finally get you. I love you, more than anything in the world, you and our child mean everything to me."

Morgana stared at Merlin in shock at his confession. "This is why you do not wish to leave Ealdor? You fear you will lose me if we leave this place?"

Merlin nodded, the fear finally making itself known in his eyes. "I couldn't bear to lose you again, fy nghariad."

Morgana leaned up, supporting her weight on one arm, and kissed him softly. "Merlin, my Emrys, fy nghalon, have no fear of losing me to Camelot. There is only one thing I want of that place, and that is to see Arthur become the King I know he will be. The fair and just man who will properly care for all of his people and love them for who they are. I care not for forming an alliance through my marriage. Merlin, I am happily married already. To you. Do not fear that all the time in the world spent in Camelot will take me from you. I love you and only you. When we have settled things here, I want to come back here, to Ealdor, with you. To our home that _you _built. To the life that we built together. All the fancy gowns in the world could not change my mind. Merlin, I am happy with you. So very happy. I have never been happier, nor have I ever felt safer, than I do and am with you."

Merlin stared into her eyes, feeling slightly better, though still rather insecure. "Gana, I love you. I can't do this without you. And what of the baby? Do you honestly think that Arthur will allow you to remain married to me? Or keep the baby? I don't think he will. Alliances have to be made to create Albion."

Morgana kissed his cheek. "I love you, Merlin. I will not let him do this to us. I can't lose you, or our baby. I won't do this. We don't have to go back to Camelot, you know. We can stay here and keep up the life we've created."

"And keep you way from the life you should have? The life you deserve? I could never do that to you, Gana. If things change because we go to Camelot, they do, it happens. I love you, and I love everything about you. And I love our baby."

It was Morgana's turn to feel tears well in her eyes. Merlin truly loved her so much that he would risk losing her to the life she had once known just to make her happy.

"As I love you, Merlin. And our life. And our baby. Nothing will change that. _Ever._ I don't care how long we are in Camelot, I will _ not_ lose myself in that place. I will forevermore be yours."

Merlin smiled and kissed her softly. "I love you, my Gana."

Morgana got up and started to gather clothes for their trip.

"Why are you packing?" Merlin asked curiously.

"Merlin, I have to have some clothes for our stay," Morgana teased, a smirk gracing her crimson lips. "Or would you rather I walk around with no clothes on?"

"Only when we're alone," Merlin answered quickly. "I won't share you with anyone."

Morgana laughed, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Of course you won't, and I wouldn't have it any other way, fy nghalon."

"You really think Arthur won't provide you with the finest silks, satins, and velvets, as you once had?"

Morgana froze where she was standing. Slowly she turned to look at Merlin. "You think he will?"

"I know he will, and I know that's what you miss the most about Camelot, the beautiful and elegant gowns and jewelry."

Morgana smiled. "Besides Arthur and Gwen, yes, it is."

Merlin chuckled. "Then don't bother packing, love, we'll be there fast enough and you'll have the elegant gowns you want." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

Morgana smiled softly.

"Come back to bed, fy nghariad," Merlin insisted, pulling her gently towards the bed.

Morgana kissed him softly, going with him willingly. "My Merlin," she whispered.

Merlin lay her back gently on the bed, moving to hover over her, kissing her softly, one hand gently caressing her swollen belly. Morgana smiled up at him, tangling the fingers of one hand into his hair as the other hand came to rest on his cheek. Merlin kissed her lovingly, hearing a sigh of contentment escape Morgana's lips as she returned his kiss. Morgana blushed at how quickly her body became around by the tender kisses he was placing across her jaw and neck.

Merlin chuckled, feeling her begin to tremble with anticipation. "My beautiful Morgana…" he murmured against her pale neck. "I love how quickly you respond to me."

"I don't," she muttered.

Merlin pulled back to look at the embarrassed pout which now graced his wife's face. "Why not?"

"Because just thinking about you is enough," she answered. "And when you aren't home…"

Merlin cut her words off with a tender kiss. "But I _am_ home now, love. I will not leave you wanting."

Morgana smiled a little as Merlin resumed kissing her jaw and neck. His hands began a careful journey down her body, running first over her shoulders and down her sides, tenderly caressing her belly as he kissed every inch of skin exposed to him. He pulled her so her body up so he could undo the laces on her gown, pulling the sleeves down her arms, pulling her dress from her body, kissing every inch of pale skin revealed to him. He pushed her shift up her legs, kissing slowly up each leg as he did, kissing across her midsection as it was bared to his eyes and lips. Morgana moaned faintly as he kissed up to her chest, pushing the shift completely off her body.

Morgana blushed, feeling extremely self-conscious about her body.

"You are so beautiful, Morgana, so full with our child, proof of our love for each other," Merlin murmured against her skin. His hands caressed her belly again before traveling down, rubbing soothing circles against her hips as his lips trailed tender kisses across her collar bone. Morgana moaned softly, feeling his hand skim across her belly and move down towards the apex of her thighs, gently pushing them apart and brushing the tips of his fingers against her most intimate parts. She felt him slide two fingers into her warm and waiting body. She moaned, her hips automatically arching slightly. Merlin smiled, moving his fingers gently inside her for a long moment before he removed them and moved to hover over her again. Morgana realized for the first time that Merlin was wearing nothing, either. She couldn't bring herself to care when he had stripped, all she cared about was having the man she loved over her, touching her, bringing her to heights she had only known with him.

"Merlin…" she moaned. "I want you…"

Merlin smiled gently down at her, leaning in to kiss her tenderly as he gently pushed into her warm, inviting body. Morgana moaned into the kiss, tangling her fingers into his hair. Merlin kissed her tenderly as he began to move gently within her. He was always gentle with her, first worried about hurting her, now about hurting her or their child.

Morgana curled into Merlin after, resting her head on his chest and drifting off to sleep rather quickly.

Merlin kissed her forehead, drawing the covers over them. "Sleep well, my love," he whispered


End file.
